BEING FRIENDS 

Growing and Maturing in

Our Friendships

 

 

 

 

NINE LESSONS

 

By

 

Joyce Watke

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Revival In the Home Ministries

3306 Woodhaven Court

Augusta, GA. 30909

e-mail: joycewatke@ earthlink.net

 

 

 

 

INTRODUCTION

  

 

       These lessons center around the theme “Growing and Maturing in Friendship.” Ever wonder if you will have a friend? Discover how being one you will have one.

 

       Do you wonder, is it right to have a friend? Why am I drawn to some and not to others? Who should I try to befriend? Why? How can I be a better friend? What are the limits God places on friendship? Who should be my VERY BEST FRIEND?

       Questions such as these were directed to me, in ladies’ meetings held in many parts of the country. These questions and others you may have were the foundation of my study.

 

       As you work through these lessons, use a notebook to record your answers to questions or print out this series and write in, (underlined words may be blotted out and the sheet copied for a work sheet to be used in a class setting.) Go to your Bible and mark verses that you want to remember. Write down what impresses you most from each lesson in a notebook, and what God speaks to you about. Then pray daily for God to make it real in your life. May you sense that you are “Growing and Maturing in Friendship.”

 

       These principles apply to many areas of life including those in the home. (Specific studies of husband-wife relationships and raising children are found in other areas of this web site.)

      

       Future lessons will include many subjects from a woman to women. Watch for them.

 

                                                                                                     -Joyce Watke

 

      

 

       Revival In the Home Ministries

3306 Woodhaven Court

Augusta, GA. 30909

e-mail: joycewatke@ earthlink.net

 

 

Contents

 

 

“BEING FRIENDS”

 

     

 

       Friendship's Questions, Lesson One                                      Page     4 

       Becoming Close Friends, Lesson Two                                     Page     7   

             

       Making New Friends, Lesson Three                                        Page     11

       Being A Good Friend, Lesson Four                                         Page     14

 

       The Measure of My Friendships, Lesson Five           Page     17

 

       Dangers From Within, Lesson Six                                       Page     20

 

       Cousins - Best Friends, Lesson Seven                                 Page     23

 

       Getting to Know Mary, Lesson Eight                                 Page     26

 

       Jesus Christ, Our Pattern, Lesson Nine                         Page     29

1.  David had many outstanding characteristics. Read I Samuel 16:18. List some of David’s admirable qualities:

2.  Read I Samuel 14:52. How was David described?

3.  In God’s eyes, David was a man “after his own heart” (Acts 13:22). Read I Kings 15:5 also.

4.  I Samuel 18:5 states that David behaved himself wisely. What was the result?

5.  Jonathan, the king’s son, was becoming a trusted leader. He was dedicated to God, although a loyal servant of the king. Because of his position, he had “inside” information. God used Jonathan to protect David’s life.

6.  David fled for his life from the presence of King Saul. What did he ask Jonathan? ( See I Samuel 20:1).

7.  David said “there is but a step between me and death” (I Samuel 20:3, 4, 9, 13). Jonathan’s answer showed his love; what did he promise?

8.  Jonathan asked David to show kindness to him during his life, but also to show kindness to whom? (I Samuel 20:15).

9.  Why did Jonathan have the liberty to ask this of David? (20:15).

10.  During Jonathan’s friendship with David, he “strengthened his hand in God” (I Samuel 23:16).

11.  After Jonathan’s death, David stood alone in the midst of trial. He    “encouraged himself in the Lord “ (I Samuel 30:6).

12.  David did not forget his promise to Jonathan. How did he carry out his           promise later on? (II Samuel 4:4).

13.  David and Jonathan’s friendship progressed through three levels. This is     also true of our experience. What are they?

        a.    Casual Friends: we know who they are, their interests or what                          they enjoy.

        b.    Occasional Friends: we know their names, what they do, we see                  them some.

        c.    Close Friends: friendships that grow out of our shared enjoyments,              convictions, accomplishments and concerns.

14. Think of someone in each of these levels, describe what you know about  them:

1.    If we want to make new friends, first let’s examine our hearts and lives. Verse twelve gives characteristics we are to “put on.” List them:

2.   In verse thirteen God tells us to be forbearing and forgiving to others. What does “forbearing” mean to you?

3.   What does God expect us to do when there has been a quarrel? (See verse 13.)

4.   If we have love and compassion for others, it will show in our relationships. Why is this called “the bond of perfectness” (maturity)?

5.    How do we get “the peace of God”? (3:15)

6.   If the Word of God dwells in us “richly,” we will be able to minister to others through:

7.   Making new friends is easier if we develop a tender spirit (Read 3: 17.)

1.    Remember the three levels of friendship:

· Casual friends: we know who they are, their interests or what they  enjoy.

· Occasional friends: we know their names, what they do, we see them some.

· Close friends: friendships that grow out of our shared enjoyments,  convictions, accomplishments and concerns.

2.   Remember the basic elements of friendship:

· Common interests - “We took sweet counsel together and walked unto        the house of God in company” (Psalms 55:14).

· Similar values - “I am a companion of all them that fear thee, and of            them that keep thy precepts” (Psalms 119:63).

· Appealing personality - “A merry heart maketh a cheerful   countenance” ( Proverbs 15:13).

· Similar talents, convictions, opinions, like and dislikes - “Ye are   my friends, if ye do whatso ever I command you.” (Jesus said in John 15:14.)

· A rejoicing spirit - “But let all those that put their trust in thee  rejoice:...let them also that love thy name be joyful in thee” (Ps.6:11).

1. In our culture, when we first meet someone, making a good impression is easier if we smile and briefly look them in the eye. Proverbs 15:13 says “A merry heart doeth good like medicine.” Proverbs 16:24 says “Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to thesoul, and health to the bones.” Psalms 43:5 says: “Hope in God... who is the health of my countenance, and my God.”   

2. What should we say? Introduce yourself clearly and loudly enough to be heard. You might say, “I don’t think I know you.” Repeat their names; at church write the names on your church bulletin. Use their names two or three times as you talk, then you willremember. Someone has said, “People are conditioned to tune in when they hear their first name. It shows you care.”

3.   Make a habit of active listening.

 

· Listen with your heart for hints of their hearts.

·Respond by rephrasing or restating the exact meaning of what was   said.

· Remember there are four meanings to every statement made:

        What I thought you said,

        What you thought you said,

        What I thought you meant,

        What you meant to say.

· Never joke about or ridicule another’s comments.

· Respond with questions “Do you mean...?” or “In other words... Ask a question to break the ice- the more obvious it is, the better. Let                them be the expert. Ask “What do you think about...?” to keep the conversation going.

 

HOW CAN YOU BE A BETTER LISTENER? Write in something from this list you want to practice:

1.    If we have a plan, or a guide for conversation in mind, it will be easier        to keep the conversation going. Remember these letters, talk about these subjects:

      “F” for family; “O” for occupation; “R” for religion; “M” for message. 

2.   Briefly tell others who you really are: talk about your job, trip or a project. Share your testimony, an experience or your thoughts and feelings about the sermon, music, or choir. Share how important the Lord is to you, or something you are trusting the Lord for. ( Read Acts 4:18-21 for inspiration.)

3.   Tell her something you like or admire about her or her home.

       “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver” (Prov.25:11). Consider how much an apple weighs: multiply the ounces times the current price of gold to compute how much it would be worth. How valuable would an apple of gold be today? ________

      1.     How can we meet more people in the church?

      2.    In the following week, what can we do to be a blessing to that person after meeting her?

· Who are some forgotten people in the church?

· What should we look for, to notice someone who needs us?

· What should we do for them immediately?

· What should we do for them during the week?

 

       “We then that are strong ought to bear the infirmities of the weak, and not to please ourselves ...” (Romans 15:1).

· Notice who their friends seem to be. Do they have more than one or two  friends?

· Observe their basic personality traits. What do they seem to be like?

· Ask yourself, “What do I really know about this person?”

· What can I do, even though this person does not seem to be friendly

· If a friendship does not develop, what should my attitude be?

        A smile or a greeting, in a moment fleeting; A sigh or a silent cry, a tear in one’s eye is understood, but it is deeper than that.

        A comfort, a cheer, bringing God very near; the care, the concerns in one’s heart burns, when given is deeper than that.

        A gentleness of heart in a sense lifts loads that seem immense. A simple deed, or a cheery word and a prayer that is heard brings relief, though it’s deeper than that.

        A thoughtful act that stems from the fact there is love that God placed there, so another’s burdens we may bear, yet we know that it is deeper than that.

        The oneness in heart and desire to be all for Him does inspire, while living or working side by side, trials and troubles we override. When this occurs is anything deeper than that?

        The Holy Spirit in our hearts unleased by love does his part bringing fellowship one with another of a blood-bought sister or brother, strengthening one’s soul and nothing is deeper than that. -From C-A-R-I-N-G By Joyce Watke

1.    Key Moments to affirm our love are: Parting scenes and greeting scenes. Ruth 1:8-15 discribes a tearful parting. Orpah kissed her mother- in-law goodbye (1:14). But her sister-in-law Ruth clung to her (1:14).

2.   It was a moment of decision. Ruth declared, “...whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge; thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God.” She was turning from idols to the living God. Why was her commitment so important?

3.   Words of blessing or encouragement came from Naomi (1:8,9). She told them to go home to their mother’s house, that the Lord would be kind to them, and give them rest. Later Boaz commended Ruth for all she had done for Naomi, he added blessings to her life, (2:12) “The Lord recompense thy work and a full reward be given thee of the Lord God of Israel...” After Boaz took Ruth for his wife, they had a son, “And the women said unto Naomi, ‘Blessed be the Lord which hath not left thee this day without a kinsman that his name may be famous in Israel’...and they called his name Obed: he is the father of Jesse, the father of David” (2:14, 17).

4.   Ruth’s dependence on God more than on a friend is seen in 2:12.        Boaz said to her: “The Lord God...under whose wings thou art come to trust...”

5.    Ruth’s dedication to Naomi is seen in Ruth 3:5. She said, “All that thou sayest unto me I will do.” How did she carry out her promise?

6. Commitment is carrying out your promise even if the circumstances have changed. What do we see in Ruth 1:16-17? She said, “Whither thou goest, I will go..and thy God (shall be) my God.” What is said of her determination in Ruth 1:18? “She was stedfastly minded to go with her...”

 

              How important is commitment to you as a Christian? Do you understand the full meaning of commitment? Is your word your bond? Loyalty and commitment are reenforced when we put them into words. Declare your commitment to the Lord and to your friend, TODAY.

 

7.   How was unfailing love proven, by Naomi, next by Ruth and then by Boaz?

 

8.   In a greeting scene Boaz gave Ruth a blessing. Ruth 2:8 Boaz says “...abide here fast by my maidens.” Why did he say this?

9.   Requirements of Becoming a Good Friend:            

· Knowing her heart. “As in water face answereth to face, so the heart of man (woman) to man (woman)” (Proverbs 27:19). “That their hearts   might be comforted, being knit together in love...” (Colossians. 2:2).

· Loving her as she is means acceptance, see Romans 15:7: “Wherefore receive ye one another and thus fulfil the law of Christ.”

· Pleasing her but not compromising your convictions. “Watch ye,  stand fast in the faith...let all your things be done with charity (love)”

              (I Cor.16:13-14). “Love worketh no ill to his neighbor” (Rom.13:10). “We then that are strong ought to bear the infirmities of the weak, and not to please ourselves. Let every one of us please his neighbor for his good to edification. For even Christ pleased not himself...” (Rom. 15:1, 2).

· Giving time: lay aside your own problems to bear her burdens to the Lord in prayer. Take time to listen and minister to her. “Bear ye one       anothers’ burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2).

· Standing by her in trying times. “...For better is a neighbor that is   near, than a brother far off ” (Proverbs 27:10).

10. Recognize the difference between dependency and commitment.

 

· If we are dependent on our friends for our joy, purpose, and emotional well being, we need to examine our personal walk with the Lord, clearly something is wrong.

      

              “It’s important to love our friends, to cherish them, and to be committed to them. Girls and women are good at that--and it's a beautiful side to our     friendships. But we need to learn to be dependent, leaning on God, (not upon our friends) because He's the only one who never betrays us or dies or moves away.” -From Friendships of Women by Dee Brestin

 

           •     Our commitment:

              First of all, should be to “Love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, with all thy soul, with all thy mind, and with all thy strength...”

              Secondly to “Love thy neighbor as thyself” (Mark 12:30, 31).

1.    In Colossians 3:14, the phrase: “And above all these things” is followed by the command to “put on charity (love).” Describe how God expects us to show love:

 

2.   In I Peter 4:8, the same phrase is followed by “have fervent charity (love) among yourselves; for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.” Explain how love in our lives can cover a multitude of sins:

 

3.   The love of God creates a bond of love among believers, because each one is “in Christ” by the Holy Spirit’s work in our lives. Actions of love are a sign of Christian maturity. How can friends show love discreetly?

 

4.   The second and third ingredients to greater spiritual health as seen in Colossians 3:15 are: (#2) “Let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; (#3) and be ye thankful.” How are these three statements related?

 

5.    Without practicing the truth of verse 16, we would be unable to produce the fruits of the Spirit as seen in this portion. “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom...” How is this possible?

 

6.   According to verse 16, name a direct result you will experience when you regularly meditate on the Word of God.

 

7.   Whatever we say or do should be done “in the name of the Lord Jesus.” List some frequenty heard words or phrases that are unbecoming to a Christians speech?

      

8.   “...Giving thanks to God and the Father by him,” verse 17. Name an area of life or a person you need to regularly give thanks for. How does giving thanks affect your attitudes ?

 

9.   When we are working on putting all these ingredients into practice, how will our response to God’s command in verse 18 be effected?

 

10. Read verses 20-22. Here we see instructions: to husbands, to children, to fathers, and to servants. List them.

 

11. Verses 22 and 23 sum up this powerful portion of Scripture. What does “singleness of heart” mean?

 

12. Why should we fear God? See Romans 14:12.

 

13. “And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men” (Colossians 3:23). Define “heartily.”

 

14. In our friendships, why should we beware of the temptation to be “men (women) pleasers”?

       “...Even so we speak; not as pleasing men, but God, which trieth our hearts” (I Thessalonians 2:4). Who must we seek to please first of all?

 

15. The law of sowing and reaping is seen in verse 25. “But he that doeth wrong shall receive for the wrong which he hath done: and there is no respect of persons.” How does this apply to friendship?

 

16. “Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ ” Colossians 3:24. Of what can we be confident? Explain:

 

17. Note Ephesians 1:11-12: “In whom also we have obtained an inheritance. . . “That we should be to the praise of his glory, who first trusted in Christ.” Does this include friendships? Explain.

                                                 

1.    A friend makes you comfortable. Proverbs 17:17 says, “A friend loveth at all times.” A true friend is one who not only loves you for yourself, but inspite of yourself. (We must be that kind of a friend to the unsaved though they may be unlovely.) Think of someone who may be difficult, whom you must love.

 

2.   A friend recognizes your imperfections, frailities and weaknesses and chooses to go on loving you anyway. (We must go on showing love to an unsaved one.)

3.   A friend’s motive is to give, not to get. Paul said to the church in Corinth, “Behold the third time I am ready to come to you: and I will not be burdensome to you: for I seek not yours, but you....And I will very gladly spend and be spent for you; though the more abundantly I love you, the less I be loved.”

(2 Corinthians 12:14-15) We must have this kind of motive in order to win the lost. Explain what this means to you.

 

1.    Friends may not always agree on all things, but they can agree to disagree and still remain friends. They can respect each others’ right to their opinion. (Don’t argue with unsaved friends, but lovingly seek to point them to Christ.)

 

2.   There are times when a sincere rebuke is essential to friendship.

He is no friend at all who allows wrong to continue uncorrected.

“Faithful are the wounds of a friend...” (Proverbs 27:6). Loving rebukes are no threat to true friendship because true friends can be trusted. Loving confrontation with the gospel is necessary to win the lost.

 

1.    A true friend is one who helps you through the trials and tests of life.

(If you minister to an unsaved friend in a time of crisis, you may win a hearing for the gospel at a later time.)

 

2.   When the world and the devil attack you from the outside and the flesh is undermining your strength within, a friend will be there to encourage and build you up. “Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so doth the sweetness of a man’s friend by hearty counsel” (Proverbs 27:9). “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend” (Proverbs 27:17).

1.    Friendships are not found, they are established and developed through investing time and effort. (Friendliness is the first step toward winning a hearing for the gospel and giving your testimony.)

2.   Friendship involves caring for and sharing in the life of another.

(Be there for your friend.)

 

Act I. Saul began well. God’s prophet Samuel had anointed him to be the first king of Israel. “And Samuel said to all the people, See ye him whom the Lord hath chosen, that there is none like him among all the people? And all the people shouted and said, God save the king ”(I Samuel 10:23). “...Saul, a choice young man, and goodly (person): from his shoulders and upward he was higher than any of the people” (I Samuel 9:2).

 

Act II. King Saul’s drift away from God began almost imperceptibly but became more noticeable as time went on. He acted impatiently as a military leader; then he made a foolish promise; the next step was open disobedience to God (I Samuel 13-15).

       Act III is a sad story of a rejected man, reaping the consequences of sin. It is the sad slow story of man moving farther and farther away from God.

I Samuel 16:14 marks the start of the decline. “Now the Spirit of the Lord departed from Saul, and an evil spirit from the Lord troubled him.” “And David came to Saul, and stood before him: and he loved him greatly; and he became his armourbearer. ... And it came to pass when the evil spirit from God was upon Saul, that David took an harp, and played with his hand; so Saul was refreshed, and was well, and the evil spirit departed from him” (15: 21-23).

 

      A friendship began between David and the king’s son, Jonathan, but was to be destroyed by Saul’s jealous spirit. His final words to David were: “I have sinned, return my son David; for I will no more do thee harm...I have played the fool, and have erred exceedingly” (I Samuel 26:21).

· 18:8--“And Saul was very wroth, and the saying (of the people)   displeased him. ” Anger is the fruit of a jealous heart. God says “put off anger, wrath...” (Colossians 3:18).

· 18:9-- Saul “eyed” David. “Envy is the rottenness of the bones”   (Proverbs 14:30).

· 18:10-- The spirit of an unsound mind, twisted by guilt and jealousy.